• July 15, 2021

‘The Last Day of my Life’ is the last song I’ll ever play

I’m sitting on the steps of my apartment, and the lights are dimming.

The sound of music is coming from the TV, and I’m thinking, I really want to go back to the last day of my life, the last time I was able to listen to music in this beautiful, cozy space, the only time I could actually relax.

Then a familiar voice calls out to me: “You know, you can have a snack at the next table.”

And I think, Okay, that’s awesome.

The rest of my day is a blur.

As my brain goes into overdrive, I begin to see that I have not only the music of the day, but the sound of the music, the sounds of the people around me.

I hear the voices of friends and family and people I have never met before, and they are coming from across the street.

I’m in the kitchen, and as I cook, I hear them calling me names.

I can’t take my eyes off them.

I feel the pain in my shoulders, in my arms, in the backs of my legs, and in my stomach.

I’ve been living in this apartment for three weeks.

And I’m still not used to it.

The idea of living in a house that was once a place of peace and quiet and quiet, now becomes very real.

And in the past few days, I’ve noticed something that is truly scary: My apartment is not a home.

It is a sanctuary.

When I am outside, I feel like I am on a desert island.

I have been out there for days and days and I have just been in a strange state.

I was feeling completely out of place, completely alone.

I felt like I was going to die alone.

And that feeling was the beginning of the end.

On January 1st, I will leave this beautiful place and the people who made it my home.

I will move on to another house that is more peaceful, but also more comfortable and more spacious.

I am moving out.

This is not going to be easy.

My friends and I are doing everything in our power to keep things as peaceful as possible for ourselves and for those around us.

I am going to go through some very serious stuff in my transition.

I do not want to do this.

I just want to enjoy the rest of the week, to do my job, to go out for a run.

But I cannot.

The house is not my home anymore.

It’s not just a house anymore.

This is my home now.

This place is my sanctuary.

This time, I am going back to it and being a part of this community that is built on trust.

This will not be easy, but I am determined to make it happen.

I want to give my friends and my family the peace and privacy they have been asking for.

This change has been hard for me.

But now I can finally share this journey with the rest, to share with my friends, and to let them know that they too have a place here, a home here, and a place to call home.

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